Die young

Oh what a shame did you came here with someone.
So while you’re here in my arms,
Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young.

Light

Our eyes met.
I dont know if it’s just me because again I could feel this strong connection.
It’s just me.

You always make me happy.
Even if it’s just me stealing glances or combing the crowd with my eyes.
I am contented.

Today I felt like the live in your eyes came back.
Words cant describe how elated I was from deep within.
Im so thankful that someone saved that light in your eyes.
Even if it aint me,
I am happy.

Dark grey hoodie.
Plain basics.
So you.
Still you.
Since the first day I saw you.
At least that hasn’t changed.
And that bag pack.

For a moment I thought you broke up with her.
My bad.
Perhaps you didn’t.
But that doesn’t matter.
As long as you are happy,
I am.

You know. Im scared.
Im scared that one day,
I will wake and realize this is nothing but a dream.
I dread that day.
I don’t ever want to wake up if given a choice.

I dont want to rely on fact that that is always where i will see you.
I dont want to go there one day to realize you’re not there anymore.
I don’t want to rely on anything.
Or any hope.

For now,
This shall suffice.
And i am happy,
You are.

You must always be happy.
Always x

I watched that sparkle in your eyes fade

7th March 2013. 

It was good to see you immediately as I reached. Your presence is always a a source of comfort and it makes me feel safe and at home. 

I like how every time if you look at me, I can feel it and I will stare right back at you. 

You looked horrible, I still love you anyway. 

You dressed to the theme, suit up. 

As usual, my eyes searched for you in the crowd. 

Every single time our eyes met, I just wished we held our gaze longer. 

When wild ones played, all I could think about is how it’d be a home run if I took you home. 

You will always be in my heart 

x

demons - imagine dragons

“your eyes they shine so bright,

i wanna save that light”

The ghost of you.

07022013.

Another one of those faithful thursdays which my entire mind will be filled by nothing but thoughts of you, thoughts about you and thoughts to you. 

All the words I know I will never have a chance to tell you. I put them here. 

I knew you’d come, you always would. I’d put my faith in that. And magically as if god heard my prayers, you appeared. 

As usual I was looking in the massive crowd for you half the entire time. But it was only after the whole thing I got to see you. 

You looked horrible. Haggard, pale and ghastly. It’s like all the blood from your face was flushed out. The life in your eyes disappeared. You looked so worn down. It was the worst state of you I have ever witnessed in these five years I’ve known you. 

I was heartbroken, flabbergasted and at the same time filled with disgust. It put me off so much to see you in such a state. It made me wonder how she has been treating you. If she was giving you a hard time in the relationship or if you were badly treated. Or then again is it that you are so in love to the extent you don’t give a damn about how you look? 

I doubt it’s the latter.

At that instant all I wanted to do was to pull you away and tell you how much happier I could make you. But my feet were stuck to the ground and all I could manage was watch from afar. 

It felt like a million arrows pierced my heart, ripping whatever that’s left of me into shreds. It is not just any kind of heartbreak mere words can ever explain. 

You know, one day if I go crazy and find my 30 seconds of insane courage, I’d run to you, tell you how much I’d ever loved you since day 1 and pull you into my embrace. I would hold you so tight.

I hope the next time I see you you would be happier. I really hope you are happy. I’d do whatever it takes within my ability to find back the life in your eyes. I don’t like how  I feel that all that’s left of you is nothing but an empty shell. 

Please be happy? 

I will still love you nevertheless. It has been you since day one and it will always always be. Since five years back that faithful day you first walked into my life. 

x

Pieces of me

I don’t think you will ever know, that the place I used to dislike is now what I call home because it is where I know I will always get to see you.

I don’t think you will ever know how much I wish that you will look at me a little longer each time our eyes meet. 

I don’t think you will ever know how much I love you, because every single time I think of you, all I can think of is how much I want to be with you and how much more I can love you. 

I don’t think you will ever know that although I act aloof when I see you, I would search for you later in the vast sea of people like crazy, even to just catch one glimpse of you. 

I don’t think you will ever know how much it breaks my heart to not see you around as much as before.

I don’t think you will ever know how much you mean to me, because you are happily holding your girl’s hand across the street in such a perfect scene I wished I never seen. 

I don’t think you will ever know that I stupidly think that maybe, just maybe, I might be the reason for the loss in the sparkle of your eyes.

I don’t think you will ever know how much it hurts me to will myself to not look you into the eye now that we see each other around. 

I don’t think you will ever know that now I don’t want to look you in the eye not because I don’t love you anymore but because I am afraid to let you know such a girl like me is in love with you. 

I don’t think you will ever know how it was love at first sight for me when I first saw you because in your eyes there was never a spot for me.

I don’t think you will ever realize that I will still be here waiting for you because there will forever be a spot here for you without doubt. 

I don’t think you will ever know that the way I look at you will never be the same as the way I look at anyone else. 

&

I don’t think that you will ever come to know about all these little secrets I keep to myself about you because my courage would never let me, despite the immense amount of unconditional love I have for you over these years. 

x

Today

after a really long time, I saw you again. The feeling is just indescribable. To tell you the truth, right when I came I was wishing I would see you, but somehow I didn’t have much hope because today there wasn’t the normal crowd, and truthfully, a part of you in me was missing. Not because I don’t care, but because it hurt too much it was numb. Like it has become a taboo. Something I don’t want to speak of ever again. It will always be an open wound. But you know, that moment I saw you, nothing changed. The love I have for you, it is still as strong as ever, if not, stronger than before. It made me want to love you again. I guess that’s just your power. The power that only you will have over me. That I will still fall in love with you again and again no matter what. And I missed you. It was only when I saw you I realized how much I missed you. Even if it was just your presence. The fact that we both breathe the same air still. Today you were wearing a white, red and green striped tee. I don’t know if it’s right because I didn’t take a look close enough. It was just a glimpse. It still hurts each time I get reminded of you. I don’t know but it didn’t hurt that badly the last time it happened. But still, I was contented. You looked pale though. Like a part of you was missing. That hurt me. It made me wonder if you were doing good, without me checking on you all these while. Is she making you happy? How come that favourite sparkle of mine from your eyes is slowly fading? Are you doing well? Are you having a hard time? Shamelessly, I wonder if its me. That you would feel the same way I did. Like a part of you was missing. You know, I have always thought we were a part of each other indefinitely. Like we know each other’s existence. And in that place, no matter what, somehow our eyes will still search for each other in the vast sea of people no matter who we came with. Or at least I choose to believe so. It felt numb. The pain is there but I can’t feel it. And it hurts to feel this empty. And I hate it. You know, no matter what, I will still love you right? Because you will always be a part of me. And I will say this. You will forever be a part of me. Don’t ask me why. It is because you are just this special. Also because I will always always love you this much. Always. I love you v. I really hope you are happy and that you are doing really well. I love you. 

x

part of me

I just wanted to say, that you’ll always be a part of me. Everything that contains me would not be me without you. To me, you’ll always be there, and a part of my heart will always have your rightful space.

I still remember the first time I met you, all the way 4 years back. Those almond shaped brown eyes which still has that same twinkle since 2009. Your highly defined cheekbones which revealed themselves whenever you smile-they are still my favourite till this very moment. Your fringe was held to the back by a hairband, baring your widow’s peak. You were wearing that electric blue crew neck tee and denim jeans. Your sleeves rolled up, giving away that fresh scar of yours that clinged onto the top of your left shoulder. I still remember everything so clearly even up till today. Back then, I didn’t muster any courage to make an effort to know you. That’s the problem with me, becoming speechless in front of someone like you. 

I’ve saw you many more times after that, more than I thought I would. I was thankful every single time our paths would cross again. It still put me on cloud nine even though all I could manage was watch from afar. Those times made me want to see you more, and I never took them for granted. I cherished those short lived moments even more. I will never forget how we would hold each others’ gaze for what would seem like eternity to me during the rare times our eyes would coincidentally find each others’ in the sea of people. I always wished time could stop at that moment. 

Whenever I think back about the first time I officially met you, I always wished I had a second opportunity to meet you for the first time again. Maybe I would have screwed up less and maybe we would be friends by now. Maybe I could have done better. No, I would have did better.

I have always wanted to love you, to hold you in my arms, to hug you whenever you needed one, to give you strength when you feel down and kiss your tears away if they were to ever fall. To share all your moments, whether happy or sad, or just to simply hold your hand and enjoy that simple moment. I wish I could be there for you all the time and I wish you wished the same.

But the number 1 thing I have always wanted to do if chances allowed was to kiss that scar of yours and tell you how much I love it, because it is a part of you as well-the you that I will always love. I think other than your smile and your cheekbones, your scar is another  of the many things that would make it to one of my favourites when coming to you. 

Even though now I know of the place where I’ll definitely catch you at, you still never fail to make my heart skip a beat each time I see you. 

My eyes will only see you no matter how everyone tells me that you’re not for me or if it’s your friends who are cuter and it should be them I should be liking. And I will never ever get bored of talking about you no matter how much anyone disapproves because they have probably gotten sick of me going on and on over the same topic again. 

Without your existence I will never be complete because you coming into my life has indefinitely became a part of me. A part of me that will always live. The part of me which will always be there. 

If I could, I would run to you and embrace you in a tight tight hug and when we pull apart I would kiss you and tell you how much you mean the world to me, even up till this very day. 

If only.. If only fate would allow.. & Until then, you’ll always be a part of me.

And I will always always always love you.

yours.

x